Love Them

There is something about coincidence that you just cannot walk away from.  For instance, as I was sitting here reading my paper, someone else far away, unknown to me, killed themselves. At the very moment when I was eating a satisfying meal and getting ready to do my ordinary chores, a house caught on fire, bursting into flames that rose into the sky like a column of insanity.

Many things happen all at the same time. Some people believe that all of time is a single event of randomness to which we assign order so that we can begin to understand things, anything. I don't believe we do understand.

We have God and Allah and other names for the ultimate force of creation and goodness, the inexplicable, the things we cannot possibly take credit for. We always ask why. Why is there evil in the world? Why is this so wonderful and that so awful? Who is responsible? Who do we blame for bad luck and ill fate, for good luck and blessings?

If you are Zorba-esque, you embrace your brothers and dance on the beach, facing each other and listening to music while your heart beats and your feet move.  Alone, you are safe but only for the moment. Zorba-like, we shrug off the possibility of harm and ignore evil that lurks in the shadows beyond the fire's edge.

Turn off the damned TV and go say I love you to someone. And then dance with them, heart to heart.

Say Hello

Uh oh, here comes Valentines Day.

I know, the day when cupid shoots his little arrows into the hearts of lovers.  Or something.  Hearts, roses, lace, chocolate, valentines.  All that.  Isn't it for the people who already know they love each other?

What about everyone who isn't sure?

I am not a fan of big loaded-expectation days for this reason:  They are exclusive more than they are inclusive.  I do believe this particular day results in far more people feeling saddened and lonely than loved and adored.  I wonder if anyone has done a survey to see if there is a majority or minority who are happy on Valentines Day.  My guess is it's a minority.  We are all so set up by the commercialism of it that it's virtually guaranteed that you will be disappointed.  Especially if you are a teen or very young adult.  Physical attraction and emotional intensity are so tied to self-worth that if they are missing, happiness goes right down the toilet.

Valentine's Day is delightful for the people who are within immediate range of embracing arms and puckered lips.  I'd like to think more in terms of paying love forward on Valentine's Day, of surprising people around me with a quick expression of unconditional warm regard.  I'm thinking of a National Say Hello to People Around You Day.

If I were Queen of the Universe, I'd ban the day and advise hugs and handshakes.  Kisses would be okay, of course, but I think a National Say Hello Day would be much more realistic and far less likely to be a minefield of loneliness and depression than Valentine's Day is.  Most of my patients are sick because they're lonely when you get to the root of it all.  

A few years ago Sick Puppies put out a music video showing a man with a sign saying Free Hugs.  He waved to passers-by in a mall, offering hugs.  At first, the potentially hugged were skeptical and turned away, but some overcame inhibition and fear and took him up on it.  How odd to be accepted and regarded as friendly, you know?

Consider hugging someone tomorrow instead of feeling left out of the Valentine's Day push to go commercial.  Hug - or at least say hello - someone who's an acquaintance or you see occasionally but usually keep a distance from for no good reason.  Muster up your courage and give them a quick hug.  Let love go.  Just let it go then see how you feel.  One little squeeze for a plain ol' person.

My guess is the gloom will be a little less intense.  You'll feel a bit more that possibility exists in the world and that you are actually the solution to your own problems.  Love does that.

Keeping It Simple

Because the year is on the rise and possibility exists, I am making plans.  Even as I say that I realize that plans are made in sand.  My goal, however, is set in stone:  

Find the truth in the matter and see if love is there or not.  

That's my resolution, and I believe it applies in pretty much every situation I'll find myself in.  It's open ended in a nicely subjective way.  It implies that if love is not somewhere in the matter at hand, then something else is.  By my way of thinking, if love is not present, fear is; sometimes both are present at the same time.  One way or another, truth and love are worth searching for.  

Remember that famous quote of Goethe's:  Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.  Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.  

Theory at the End of the Day: KISS

What has fallen by the wayside that once captured your imagination?  What have you given up on that once stirred you and gave you inspiration?  What were you good at and knew it, but set aside?

Personally, my thumbnail theory says you pretty much know who you are when you're about seven years old.  After that, you become a more complex version of that original child.  Part of that theory says that older people are not necessarily wiser than young people - some are - just because they make things complicated and stern.

The things I was interested in back then, I am still taken by even now:  Visual details, beautiful water, speed, good flavors, talent, a mysterious story.

The key to life?  Keep things simple, appreciate good health and look for love.  In a nutshell, Keep It Simple, Sweetie.

Random Things

The President is in India; a new dinosaur has just been discovered in Grand Staircase-Escalante, Utah; I have new internet service at home; koi ate fish food from a man's hand while children watched; whitecaps raced on the bay, running before a stiff wind; there is an increasing rarity and expense of chocolate expected in the future; my uncle is recovering from surgery; sweeping the floor was a good idea; fixing my clock still needs to be done.

Random images are leaping into the wading pool of my mind at the same time; all the water is gone, splashed out by the crowd.

I'm wondering if it's better to just leave it all there and go off to bed or try and find some deeper layer of understanding in it, some order and meaning.  Is wisdom to be found in this heap of incidental oddity?

Amidst the mile markers of the day stand signposts indicating a certain direction of travel that I pay attention to:  Equanimity and Love.

A few things that happen matter a lot.  Their impact is intense and flings you against a hard wall.  All the fine, good things in a long string of days prepare you for the inevitable situation when you find yourself hitting a wall, sliding down to the floor, undone and uncertain.  The good things get you through the hard ones, and it's love which nourishes you until you need it in times of fear.

All the junk and static in a day fades away gradually until I see the one jewel remaining:  Love.  It's always there but easily missed when fear grips me.  In the end, I have to laugh at what the day is filled with, take note of the random events sailing by.  When finally something important happens, I've got a reserve of love and sense of what I want to do about hitting that hard old wall.  

What Matters

Now that Halloween is in the rear-view mirror, the long slow slide to Christmas has begun.  I'm thinking it's going to be okay if I keep on keeping it simple.

First of all, let me explain one thing.  I think of the year in terms of being on a big looping circle, like a roller coaster.  It begins an uphill swing starting on the winter solstice and reaches its apex at the summer solstice.  After that, as the days get gradually shorter and shorter we descend, so to speak, toward the winter solstice once again.  Upswing, then downswing.  It's my visual, and I'm sticking with it.

Here in California, the big circle idea is overlain with the peculiar and unique weather pattern of the California coast, where summer is cold, late autumn is warm and dry and winter generally very mild.  Late winter and early spring both throw storms around and we get wet.

Today, like yesterday is warm, bright and, well, pretty.  It feels very pleasant.  It doesn't feel like Christmas is coming.  Instead, Easter should be coming.  It's that pretty.  But, Christmas really is coming and friends are talking about changes.  No one is talking about giving big gifts or going shopping.  They're talking about making gifts, being outside where the biggest gift waits for them every day.  No one is taking life for granted.  Maybe it's the election, but the feeling is we've skimmed by a tough spot and need to hang on to what's important.  Most of all, friends are looking at each other with appreciation.  Just because we show up day after day.  It's not a bad thing, this thing called love.  

Life is pretty tough sometimes, and it's complicated.  Showing up for a friend, plain and simple, is what Christmas might be about this year.  Giving of oneself, expressing gratitude.  They're free to give and priceless to receive.  

 

After a Dream

"Good morning.  Is there any coffee?"

"Yes.  Mugs are up above the counter, on the left."

"I had such a weird dream last night.  Want a cup?"

"I'm good.  What was the dream?"

"My legs fell off, but I could still walk."

"That's weird all right."

"Yeah.  I was sitting in a big wooden chair.  You know, one of those outdoor chairs like we saw at the outdoor center.  What're they called?"

"Adirondack?"

"Yes.  I was sitting in the sun and then my legs fell off like they were branches coming off a tree.  It made a loud cracking sound.  No blood or anything.  Just crack and there they were lying on the ground like dummy legs.  But then I got up and went in the house and I was fine.   I have no idea."

"Well, your legs are still there.  I can see them.  All ten toes.  You okay?"

"Uh, well, I was fine.  Now I don't think so.  What do you think it means?"

"It, well, um.  You need a hug?  I give really good hugs, remember."

"I do.  You do.  You sure my legs look okay?"

"Look more than okay.  Great legs.  All hooked up to the hip bones.  Hug coming at you.  Set down your coffee and get a proper hug."

"Mmmmm.  It was just a dream.  I love you."

Red Ribbon, Gray Fox

I saw a fox's gray tail, its tip tied with a bright red ribbon.  Then the fox disappeared, running away from me, fading into a murky dark background.

I saw that in a dream, and the flash of bright red - the orange red of geraniums - is still with me, vivid as the instant I noticed it in the dream.

Scientists studied the colors we see best in our peripheral vision.  They found that red is one of the least noticeable out of the corners of our eyes.  That weird bright neon yellow is the easiest to see.  But, red, so deeply emblematic of intensity and emotion, is not what we notice first.  Not in our consciousness anyway.

Red is such a significant color to us in nature, warning us of poison, anger, love or lust.  Black, red and white are intensely powerful when used together; our brain responds strongly to that.  Spiders, snakes, hemlock, blood have red as a signal color and send shivers of alarm to our deepest primitive brain.  Odd that we don't see red very well to the side but are usually vigorously affected by it when we see it right in front of us.  

Red connects us to our subconscious where shadows lurk and passions simmer.  Blood lust, red roses, scarlet satin.  No chance to remain light and free once those are planted in your mind.  As for that small red ribbon and the disappearing fox...

Love Is Enough

If there were no other reason to sleep under a tree on a summer day than to wake up with leaves drifting down on you like sighs, it would be enough.  The leaves rustle.

If there were no other reason to bury your legs in warm sand at the beach than to watch your knees emerge with dust clinging to the hairs, it would be enough.  The hairs prickle.

If there were no other reason to speak in a hushed cathedral than to hear your voice echoing up into the far reaches of the ceiling until the angels resting on the corbels stir and throw blessings down on you, it would be enough.  The blessings touch quietly your heart.

Where is wonder on a day when the wind is ruffling the flowers, shimmering on the surfaces of time and distance?  Where is mystery when the nighttime dream commences and blue surrounds you like a soft cloak?

Within the arms of love we are carried aloft on the uprising air until we can either breathe or laugh, then drift like golden organza, away softly.

Delight spins with a light soft skirt on pointed toes and beckons with a small curled finger.  I am told:

Cease your worry and concern for now.  Summon love and dispense with doubt and calamity.

Watch the play of light and the moments in between.  For there exists peace and the meaning of life and, truly, love.  Love uplifts and heals, soothes, caresses even you who are lonely and tired.

If there were no other reason to love and notice love than to touch your ennervated fingertip against that of God's outstretched, that would be enough.

Contemplation

We are interested in conflict.  It's almost as if an absence of strife would negate love, too.  With nothing to overcome, with no enemy to prevail upon, how do we know, in contrast, what we love?  Is there cause for celebration if we have not conquered something, overcome difficulty, denied death?

Competition and conflict, large and small, between unseen forces or those right before our eyes, drive us as people.

Can there be war without love, or love without fear?  Which one really defines peace?  

To Fear or Not to Fear

At this very moment, I am so amazed with the perfection of the weather outside that I really think it needs to be set to music.  There is not a cloud in the pale blue sky, every leaf on every tree is positively sparkling, and life is pretty much totally in the groove today.  However, let's talk about ugliness for a change.

What I have to say about anger, hatred, scorn, and other fright-engendering human emotions is not news to the world at all.  Philosophers, writers, people of all kinds throughout known history have spent time observing how humans behave and think, just like I do.  The only thing that's different for me about this subject is what I do with it in my own personal life, the fact that anger and aggression stem from fear.

There was a momentarily bizarre incident.  Today when I was doing errands, I came to a stop sign at the same time another driver coming the opposite direction came to his.  I saw his signal to turn left and waved him ahead.  He shook his head, paused and then "gestured" at me.  You know, the familiar flying-fickle-finger-of-fate gesture that we all know is emblematic of rude aggression.  Broad daylight.  Beautiful, gorgeous, angels-are-singing day and a stranger on a quiet street flips me off.

I was shocked and found myself reliving the moment over and over, and each time I did an ugly feeling came up inside, just like poison.  The gesture and incident lasted no more than a few seconds, but there I was giving it lots of my time by recapturing the anger, the bitter unhappiness and fear repeatedly.  I'd say about 10 minutes later I had a little conversation with myself and thought, "I am giving this far too much of my time and attention; I am hugging that ugly moment like a long-lost love.  It's time for that to stop right here, right now."

Obviously, knowing when real danger confronts you and protecting yourself from it is a survival skill, but mulling over and mentally chewing on something like the gesture, giving it more than its due of time and attention, only harms me.  To choose to drop it, leave it behind, and continue on enjoying the spectacular beauty of the midday late-winter sunshine had to be my choice.  To know that it is absolutely my choice is what at one point in my life was news to me, a lesson I will never forget.  

You know you've had the thought:  "He made me do it!"  So have I -- so many times I cannot possibly recall.  The deal is, you choose to live in fear or you choose to live in love.

There is a famous scene in the movie Moonstruck where Cher's character slaps Nicholas Cage's character across the face after he tells her he's in love with her.  She yells at him, "Snap out of it!"

That's the decisiveness it takes to snap yourself out of anger, fear, hatred, scorn, prejudice, boredom, and other self-defeating thoughts that you find yourself clinging to.  If you don't stop clinging to them, you build up an addiction to the adrenaline that you get from fearfulness, and you get very sick inside.  You become vulnerable to disease and you attract more ugliness to yourself.  Eventually your toes fall off.  (Just kidding about that last bit, but you get the picture.)

Choose courage, strength, humor, and notice all the other things going on around you that are happening all at the very same time.  It's always that way:  You get to make a choice, employ your free will.

I didn't choose for an angry man to be at the intersection exactly when I got there, but once I interrupted the reaction to his behavior, I rejoined the beauty of the day and am still all smiles as I see it all around me, everywhere.

Where Is Love?

It's a soft sweet day today.  I remember Valentine's Days when the weather was just as gentle but felt much more prickly and odd, but it was all in my heart. 

Valentine's Day is a loaded day emotionally, equal to Christmas and birthdays.  If you let them, those love-weighted days can sneak up behind you and run you through with loneliness.

There were plenty of occasions when I was left to my own devices, forced to look in the mirror at myself and make a decision to choose something other than sadness and self-pity.  Sometimes, I yielded to that and didn't want anything more than that.  I had a few loops of conversation that would play over and over in my mind, that didn't take me anywhere but into deeper melancholy.  I kicked myself when I was down.  No one had to do it for me because I was so good at it. 

Most other times, though, I did round up some resolve and chose the alternative, which was to get the heck out of my rut and go look for something to do.  I kind of took myself by the scruff of the neck and shoved myself out the door and, almost every time, forgot about being alone or sad and glum.  And I found what I was looking for.  It was in the mirror, in my eyes, within my self. 

We say, "It's all in your head."  But, I also say, "It's all in your heart."  The heart, where courage and inspiration reside, is an infinite wellspring of love.  When I couldn''t turn to another person that I called lover or husband, there was my chance to face myself and say gently, "You have all the love you need right here inside you.  Give it away, and it will never be gone at all." 

If you are alone today, maybe feeling undone by unfulfilled expectations, I say give away all the love, in every way possible at every moment, to every thing and in every place that you go.  Beam it out there.  Blaze with it. 

Sweet baby James Taylor's song says, "Shower the people you love with love."  It's not a bad thing, is it?