To Fear or Not to Fear

At this very moment, I am so amazed with the perfection of the weather outside that I really think it needs to be set to music.  There is not a cloud in the pale blue sky, every leaf on every tree is positively sparkling, and life is pretty much totally in the groove today.  However, let's talk about ugliness for a change.

What I have to say about anger, hatred, scorn, and other fright-engendering human emotions is not news to the world at all.  Philosophers, writers, people of all kinds throughout known history have spent time observing how humans behave and think, just like I do.  The only thing that's different for me about this subject is what I do with it in my own personal life, the fact that anger and aggression stem from fear.

There was a momentarily bizarre incident.  Today when I was doing errands, I came to a stop sign at the same time another driver coming the opposite direction came to his.  I saw his signal to turn left and waved him ahead.  He shook his head, paused and then "gestured" at me.  You know, the familiar flying-fickle-finger-of-fate gesture that we all know is emblematic of rude aggression.  Broad daylight.  Beautiful, gorgeous, angels-are-singing day and a stranger on a quiet street flips me off.

I was shocked and found myself reliving the moment over and over, and each time I did an ugly feeling came up inside, just like poison.  The gesture and incident lasted no more than a few seconds, but there I was giving it lots of my time by recapturing the anger, the bitter unhappiness and fear repeatedly.  I'd say about 10 minutes later I had a little conversation with myself and thought, "I am giving this far too much of my time and attention; I am hugging that ugly moment like a long-lost love.  It's time for that to stop right here, right now."

Obviously, knowing when real danger confronts you and protecting yourself from it is a survival skill, but mulling over and mentally chewing on something like the gesture, giving it more than its due of time and attention, only harms me.  To choose to drop it, leave it behind, and continue on enjoying the spectacular beauty of the midday late-winter sunshine had to be my choice.  To know that it is absolutely my choice is what at one point in my life was news to me, a lesson I will never forget.  

You know you've had the thought:  "He made me do it!"  So have I -- so many times I cannot possibly recall.  The deal is, you choose to live in fear or you choose to live in love.

There is a famous scene in the movie Moonstruck where Cher's character slaps Nicholas Cage's character across the face after he tells her he's in love with her.  She yells at him, "Snap out of it!"

That's the decisiveness it takes to snap yourself out of anger, fear, hatred, scorn, prejudice, boredom, and other self-defeating thoughts that you find yourself clinging to.  If you don't stop clinging to them, you build up an addiction to the adrenaline that you get from fearfulness, and you get very sick inside.  You become vulnerable to disease and you attract more ugliness to yourself.  Eventually your toes fall off.  (Just kidding about that last bit, but you get the picture.)

Choose courage, strength, humor, and notice all the other things going on around you that are happening all at the very same time.  It's always that way:  You get to make a choice, employ your free will.

I didn't choose for an angry man to be at the intersection exactly when I got there, but once I interrupted the reaction to his behavior, I rejoined the beauty of the day and am still all smiles as I see it all around me, everywhere.