Ants in the Kitchen

There are ants in my kitchen.  This is a condition that has existed for a year or more.  But, these ants are not the long columns of mysterious infinitesimal insects that I'm familar with.  Those are little sugar ants which are smaller and keep together in groups, frantically conveying bits and pieces of other things to a cache hidden in the ground somewhere.

The ants I see in my kitchen these days are solitary scouts who seem to pop up out of nowhere.  Also, they are really hard to squish.  That makes me curious.  How is it that I, a large strong human with ten good fingers, can barely crush an ant?  If I had a microscope, I'd put one under it and take a good look.  I mean, of course I can squish one, but I really have to use a lot of strength, and even then they seem to keep on wiggling.  It's kind of creepy, but I admire them in a sort of revolting way.  Maybe an engineer could study their structure and design a crush-proof car.  But, if it would have to have legs, too, I don't think we'd be too thrilled with that.  They'd get all tangled up together and, wow, if you've seen a multicar pile-up with sleek four-wheeled vehicles like we have now, just think about the mess you'd see if cars had six legs.

Just now, I looked at my stove top and one came up out of the burner to the flat surface, looking around and walking fast.  I was morbidly thinking I should teach it a lesson and turn on the burner, but then it was gone.  The other day, a splat on the wall had been missed during morning clean-up and six ants were feasting on it.  Just six.  But, they looked like prehistoric dinosaurs, velociraptors, gnashing their teeth over the carcass of something squishy.  I think I could hear their teeth clicking and chewing.

There is an equilibrium between me and the ants, a stand-off of sorts.  I keep my kitchen tidied up and the ants just show up here and there, always solitary, staying out of sight for the most part.  If there are any drips or slops, the ants come 'round and I'll see three or four, but they know I'm after them.  They seem to know anyway.

At a certain point, when I've had just about enough, I do a more intensive cleaning and then finish off my efforts with window cleaner.  If the dad in My Big Fat Greek Wedding could see me using window cleaner, zapping ants, he'd smile.  He cured all ills with it, so I use it to clear my counters of ants.  I stand back feeling like a vanquisher, holding my spray bottle.  I stay on the alert, though.  I have to be vigilant.

All this ant thinking has me wondering if I'm as small as an ant to some big being in the universe that's ready to flick me aside, spinning me into the next star system.  Aaaaaaiiiiiieeeeeeeee!  You never know.  Fact is stranger than fiction.  In my world, fact and fiction are one and the same, at least when it comes to ants.