I Am This Because I Am Not That

I went to the farmer's market and noticed three little children amidst the browsing large adults.  Juxtaposition of the tall and short people, old and young created a visual dynamic.  Contrasted sizes and abilities between the babies and adults described each to the other.

The children are charming to us because they are not adults.  We know adultness because babies are babies.  They can't be anything else.

A dog is a dog.  Perhaps when we watch the dog, we learn more about ourselves, we define humanness because there are dogs.  They can only be dogs.

Snow is snow.  Perhaps when we take time to feel snow and not impose our human qualities on it, simply letting it be snow and learning how snow is not human, we learn more about being human.  The whole entire physical natural world teaches us things about our own nature because it is not human.

We walk on two feet.  When we watch another creature who walks on four or six or eight feet, we define our humanness.  If the world were comprised of only human beings, we would much the worse for it.  We would not know that Usain Bolt is fast as a gazelle or that a baby is as soft as a rabbit.  We define things that are because of the things they aren't.  Black is not white, but both look more beautiful because of the other.  The difference between them helps to define both of them.

The babies and children I saw today were cute and funny and small because they were not adults, not dogs, not pumpkins or any other of the things in the world around them.  The difference was wonderful.

Gabriel The New: So Far So Good

His Newness, Gabriel, my grandnephew, has reached the tender age of 12 weeks, a very healthy boy.

I visited the little one two days ago when his mother and I could intersect our schedules for a half hour.  She is doing very well, regaining fitness and taking a place alongside mothers her age who have infants his age.

What can you say about babies?  Mothers have lots to say.  So do dads, of course, and they notice every subtle shift in mood or wobbling movement.  Their every hiccup or yawn is delightful and adorable.  With skin is so soft you second guess the sensitivity of your fingertips, you wonder if you have actually touched them.  

Gabriel sat as I held him on my lap and wobbled vigorously, and when I stood him up before me, his little legs made repeated pogo hops up and down, bouncing automatically, like a marionette.  Being only 12 weeks old, very little is willful about him.  His body is spasmodic and uncoordinated, and yet he is very strong.  He is adored, appropriately so, by all who see him, and his parents are doing everything you hope parents will do to support the growth and development of their child.  Everyone kisses him, talks to him, wants him to hold.

Yesterday, two days after I visited Gabriel, I encountered a young man who had, by all accounts, never been given any fraction of the love and gentle guidance that His Newness has been showered.  The young man I met, not much past his teens, had been given street drugs when he was in first grade and had begun "partying" with his parents when he was in middle school.  He was hooked on heroin at the age of 16 or so.  As I looked at him, I saw Gabriel, all wobbly and helpless but absolutely developing confidence and curiosity about his safe and secure world, even now.

I wonder if there is a bigger crime than ruining your own child's development, distorting their neural activity and undermining them socially and emotionally from the outset of their lives.  I don't know.  All crimes are monstrous, certainly.  Good parenting is crucial, something I naively hope we all understand.

I am even perhaps naive in believing that parents who try to raise their child well are what is needed to get that child to adulthood without mishap.  Values and beliefs guide the child, good or bad, weak or strong.  If a baby like Gabriel, who is soaking up every little sound, every nuance of every word, gleaning information at all times from his home and family, is in a pretty consistent steady place, he has a better chance of understanding how to be an effective adult.

His Newness is at the funny stage of being easily distracted now from nursing.  He leaves off and looks all around the room, at the people with him and what he does not notice would barely fill a thimble.  His mom and dad have to be just as aware, interpreting and teaching him, guiding, setting limits to keep him safe.  They are, and he is thriving.

I didn't tell them about the drug addicted 20-something young man I'd encountered whose life is so marginal right now.  The stronger and more positive their love and joy can be, the better they will weather storms ahead.  Besides, holding Gabriel, all cute and wriggly and warm, was a good balm for me, too.  I'll be going back for more very soon.

What Matters

Now that Halloween is in the rear-view mirror, the long slow slide to Christmas has begun.  I'm thinking it's going to be okay if I keep on keeping it simple.

First of all, let me explain one thing.  I think of the year in terms of being on a big looping circle, like a roller coaster.  It begins an uphill swing starting on the winter solstice and reaches its apex at the summer solstice.  After that, as the days get gradually shorter and shorter we descend, so to speak, toward the winter solstice once again.  Upswing, then downswing.  It's my visual, and I'm sticking with it.

Here in California, the big circle idea is overlain with the peculiar and unique weather pattern of the California coast, where summer is cold, late autumn is warm and dry and winter generally very mild.  Late winter and early spring both throw storms around and we get wet.

Today, like yesterday is warm, bright and, well, pretty.  It feels very pleasant.  It doesn't feel like Christmas is coming.  Instead, Easter should be coming.  It's that pretty.  But, Christmas really is coming and friends are talking about changes.  No one is talking about giving big gifts or going shopping.  They're talking about making gifts, being outside where the biggest gift waits for them every day.  No one is taking life for granted.  Maybe it's the election, but the feeling is we've skimmed by a tough spot and need to hang on to what's important.  Most of all, friends are looking at each other with appreciation.  Just because we show up day after day.  It's not a bad thing, this thing called love.  

Life is pretty tough sometimes, and it's complicated.  Showing up for a friend, plain and simple, is what Christmas might be about this year.  Giving of oneself, expressing gratitude.  They're free to give and priceless to receive.  

 

Big Surf Comes Rolling In

Today, even as the sky shined bright warm blue and fall colors shimmered in the trees, mayhem descended upon the entire Monterey Bay shoreline.  A tall rolling swell coming from north-northwest and big pounding waves conspired to tear kelp beds, beaches, and any hesitant creatures in tide pools completely apart.

There is a muffled roar that is constant, but it has a crescendo-decrescendo of booming lower notes that tell you breakers are hitting the coast.  The surf is very dangerous, accompanied by a rough chop and steady breeze that is sending salty mist high into the air to drift to the treetops of coastal hills.

There is a kinetic intensity to big surf.  It looks like a living thing energized with a wild spirit and magnificent power.  If you watch for awhile, you'll see huge tall plumes of whitewater blooming upward as an especially big roller hits a granite rock outcrop.  There is constant action, incessant movement that has continued for hours and seems to show no signs of waning.

The royal blue sky, leaping plumes of whitewater and roaring sound distract everyone who drives anywhere on the coast.  It's far safer to park and walk, too easy to swerve your car or wobble or stop in the roadway when a big set of waves comes bashing to the shore.  If the swell continues tomorrow, I'll be out there with my camera, dazzled to my heart's content by the big bold free show.

Her Attitude is Golden

We drove into a lot, paused, and up walked a young woman.  She gave us a stub and told us how the lot worked.  Validate and get two free hours or go longer, without validation, and pay $10 for the day.  "Have a nice morning," she said and we drove off to find a space to leave our car.  We instantly forgot her.  And then, I couldn't stop thinking about her.  Parking lot attendant.  $8 an hour.  No benefits.  Full time.  Handing out parking stubs, taking payments or validated stubs back.  Who knew that person in that insignificant job could be significant to me? 


I wondered what it was about her that gave me a good impression.  It must have been her open attitude, a sort of approach that is simple, straight ahead, pleasant and respectful.  In a phrase, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."  Treat others the way you wish to be treated.  The simple, perfect Golden Rule.   


A couple of days ago, I read a quote from the San Francisco Giants baseball player Barry Zito (who is paid many millions of dollars a year to do his job) who was asked what he felt like not being able to play in the World Series, and he replied, "You always have to maintain your character. That's all you got. The game is a phase of our lives. Your character is something that sticks with you the rest of your life." 


The parking lot girl must have known that.  It mattered to her to do her job and "put a little mustard on it," as an old coach used to say.  It makes a difference to do whatever it is you do very well.  It attracts in-kind positives right back to you.  Look at me, I'm still thinking about that moment many hours later, and you're reading about it.  I hope I see her again, and I hope she's really busy - spreading the Golden Rule around, showing us all how it's done.